What were you really going to say?
by LostinalittleWonderland
Summary: After being thrown into a separate car by Mary on the way back from the airport John decides to find out what Sherlock was really going to say before leaving on the plane.


Sherlock and John were pushed into one car by Mary who told the driver to go before shutting the door and John watched out the back window as she walked back over to Mycroft smiling. Sherlock stayed quiet in the seat next to him, John watched him for a while before finally speaking what was on his mind. 'Sherlock, what were you actually going to say back there? Before getting on the plane, because that...that back there was not what you were going to say…that' John threw his hands into the air '…God knows what that was Sherlock' Sherlock remained quiet lowering his eyes to the floor. John sighed 'Sherlock this is me…you can tell me anything you know this!' Sherlock slowly looked up towards John; John blinked several times not believing the look in Sherlock's eyes. He looked shy. Sherlock was _never _shy. Sherlock re-averted his eyes, he couldn't look John in the eyes when he was about to tell him this. It wasn't possible; he didn't want to see the disgust that would obviously be there when he told him. He didn't want to lose his best and only friend because of this. But John kept asking him to tell him, telling him to trust him, and Sherlock he trusted him with his life.

Sherlock continued to look at the carpeted floor of the car sadly 'John' he coughed slightly to remove the lump in his throat before continuing in a low whisper 'John…I love you' John had to strain to here Sherlock's words he had thought he'd caught them but surely he couldn't have. 'You…You love me?' Sherlock frowned was John giving him a way out here? Was he giving him the chance to say that he was joking and walk away from this with his friendship still intact? Sherlock couldn't do it, he couldn't go back to the way things used to be he didn't want to he needed John to know otherwise he would spend the rest of his life cursing himself for being so…so frightened. So he nodded keeping his eyes on the floor so to not see John's eyes because he just couldn't stand what he would see there, he felt his heart drop he knew that the moment this car stopped John would walk out of his life forever. He felt tears well in his eyes, but he just couldn't let them fall he had to hide them until he got back to the flat and locked himself in his room.

He knew he was right what he had told John many many months ago _alone protects people _because alone certainly did protect him, when he was alone he never felt like this. He never felt like his heart was tearing in two because he loved someone so much he couldn't live anymore. His whole life revolved around the man sat next to him, his one and only friend. John looked at Sherlock recovering from the shock of hearing his confession, the man beside him looked defeated like he had given up completely. John leant over slightly resting his hand on top of Sherlock's trying to offer him some comfort. 'I love you too you daft git' Sherlock looked up at him shocked, 'but' John continued at this Sherlock quickly looked away out the window of the car of course there would be a _but _there was always a but when it came to him, who would truly love him Donovan was right he really was a freak, John was probably only saying that he loved him because he felt like he had to, out of some misplaced guilt 'but Sherlock…Sherlock are you listening to me?' John turned Sherlock to face him making sure he was looking him in the eyes, John saw the doubt that was spinning around in his eyes 'Sherlock I'm not lying I do love you but I need you to understand that I love Mary too.'

Sherlock nodded looking down again, of course the punch in the gut had to come. What was he expecting? John to leave his wife and child and come to live with him again and run around chasing murders across London. Sherlock kicked himself mentally he should have kept his mouth shut, 'Sherlock, if you can cope with me loving the two of you and you could love Mary too then maybe…just maybe Sherlock we can all make this work.' Sherlock frowned looking at John 'what?' John sighed again 'People do do this sort of this Sherlock, and I really don't want to have to choose over either of you. Mary isn't willing to make me choose now the question is are you?' Sherlock smiled shyly at John before saying, 'I love you both'


End file.
